Loss [SEU part 2]
Reflecting has been happening at a really great rate, I think. Having all of this time post-graduation is some kind of weird wonder. These reflections I’m posting are primarily for my own sake, but I’m thinking maybe others would find some kind of benefit from hearing of my experiences. We all go through our own journeys, but I’ve always found that it’s great to know I’m not the only one that’s gone through something similar.
Mind you, there is no actual point to this blog post other than to reflect on my time at SEU and share what’s been on my heart about it.
Loss is devastating. I went through a period of school where I just felt completely lost because of the losses I experienced. Like. Completely. Lost.
Over most of my life I have experienced loss in one way or another. When I was little it was mainly from people leaving my parent’s church. Sometimes it was easier because they actually said goodbye. Other times it was hurtful because they would leave in a really horrible manner.
I’ve also felt the loss of friendships being absolutely painful.
While necessary, it is always a struggle for me to let people go. Or to realize that they need not be attached to my hip. I’ve come to the conclusion that I am someone who cares very deeply about everyone and everything, even if it isn’t deserved. I quite like caring so much, but if I’m not careful, I can idolize and prioritize people and things over my relationship with God and myself.
I loved to be needed. But something I am always trying to remember is that the people closest to me simply just want me. And sure, they could use my help for things, but it isn’t a diehard need.
Probably one of the hardest losses I experienced was that of an ex. I talked about my grief and how I got through most of it here: http://www.ecclesiam.com/2018/01/grief-in-the-garden-of-our-hearts/
Here are some lyrics I wrote on December 31, 2017:
”it’s been a long year
didn’t think i’d make it here
overcome by fear
had to let go to heal
there were days i couldn’t breathe
days the tears came in streams
from friends to enemies
oh why me
here i am breathing
here i am dreaming/believing
there’s more to come
i can go on
here i am talking
here i am walking
to the promised land
to the promised land
what once had me in chains
has been swept away
with the Faith to believe
there’s more to be seen.”
I’ll end this one with a couple of quotes that I’ve stored on my phone:
1. My dad once said to me, “Just have good times with people you love.” It’s not possible to know when people are going to leave your life, but that’s okay. Love yourself and others right where you’re at and let the rest take care of itself.
2. “even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.” psalms 139:10 <3 God is for you. God is with you.
Come what may, you will make it through, even if it’s just moment by moment and one foot in front of the other in front of the other in front of the other…