This season [SEU part 1]
It feels good to be here. The keyboard clicks, the light is on the lowest setting, and it’s 2:13am. Dare I say it is the perfect setting?
This morning I met with a dear friend. She is someone I admire greatly and look up to in hopes of carrying the same kind of passion and grace that flows out of her. Our conversation reminded me of a lot of things. But primarily, it lifted a fog that was trying to settle into my life.
You see, I just graduated college a month ago. Almost all of April felt like a high for me. I was on the go, so excited about graduation, pretending like I wasn’t worried about what was to come. Of course, everyone decides to loom the question, "So what are your post-grad plans?!” It is a daunting little thing that hangs over ones head really.
At the end of my college career, I tried and tried, but I couldn’t really reflect. Actually, I’ve been traveling for the last month as well and even still have not been able to reflect. Or maybe I just haven’t wanted to dig deeper. Sometimes it’s because I’m afraid of what I’ll find - or what I won’t.
I had three years. Three incredible years. Three very long and very short years. Filled with ebbs and flow of sadness, grief, pain, beauty, life, joy.
I almost quit, you know. A lot of my journey was just coasting. A lot of my journey was just telling myself to put one foot in front of the other. A lot of my journey was just walking through fog and telling myself that it wouldn’t - no, it couldn’t - be this way forever.
The truth is that it’s been one month and I still don’t know what I’m doing. To be transparent, I have been completely exhausted from the last few months and am just now letting myself rest. I have so much to be thankful for and so much I am beginning to reflect on. I hope to be able to dig deeper and bring it to light (I will publicly share as much as I feel is appropriate to).
As I pick up stones and try to sling them towards my giants, I find it’s incredibly difficult to remember that Jesus has already done so. And that I need only to rest in His grace, in His presence. There will inevitably be times where I must be strong, but that strength will always come from God. Yet, whenever I do remember, it’s like that conversation with my friend earlier today.
Peace that surpasses all understanding swoops in. A grace like a wind blows away the fog of anxiety.
Until the next post,